Olympic swimming legend, ex-husband of Charlotte Dawson, Bachelor of the Year Cleo, drug addict, escort agency owner, meth gang leader, prisoner… Scott Miller has received many labels in his life, but two years after leaving prison, he reveals Women’s Day He is now only interested in one title – truthful.
“Obviously, sitting there for years, you think a lot,” Scott, 51, said of his three years behind bars.
“Now, having been sober and clean for a few years, it’s easier to talk about. When you’re in it, controlled by addiction, you want to bury it, and that’s what I did. But it’s about acknowledging what I did wrong and owning it. I’m telling the truth these days. No more stories.”
Scott lives with his mother Jenny, who looks after her, and he admits: “It’s a humbling time. It’s really hard. No one has been there for me more than her. It’s the least I can do.”
In addition to facing tough times, Scott also had to confront his hatred of the water—a place where he once felt at home—which first emerged after the Olympic Games in Atlanta, Georgia, where he won silver and bronze medals.
“It was therapeutic,” he admits.
“I wanted to get back in the water and find out why I was pushing away what I loved so much all my life. “Now, if I plan to go for a swim, I don’t worry about it all day. In the beginning it was… it was damn hard.”
Living with “what ifs”
Narrowly missing out on the Olympic gold medal by 0.36 seconds was a major source of pain for Scott throughout his life, and a “if only” scenario he was never able to overcome. What others considered a huge achievement for a promising young star, he still considers a “failure.”
After a shoulder injury forced him to retire in 2004 at age 29, a rapid downward spiral began: drug addiction, depression, an overdose and, in 2021, his arrest for running a drug syndicate.
“We didn’t have the support that athletes get these days,” Scott says of his life after sports.
“Not many people knew what it took to become a swimmer in those days, how isolated you felt and how difficult it was to transition from being an athlete to a normal life. “I really felt alone. Not dealing with it properly and not dealing with it… It made it all worse for me.”
Scott won silver in the 100m butterfly at the 1996 Olympics.
Admitting your mistakes
Part of admitting your mistakes is admitting that there were others at fault, and this is a “hard” truth Scott only gained clarity years after.
“I was surrounded by sharks who didn’t care about me – they just wanted to cash in on the good times,” he says. “Where were they during the bad times? They were nowhere to be seen. That’s a really big lesson I learned.”
Scott’s brief marriage to Kiwi TV star Charlotte Dawson, who was nine years his senior, was a turning point and “painful” period in his life. They lasted just a year as husband and wife before Scott’s partying – and a drug scandal in a public toilet – led to their separation in 2000.
Scott and Charlotte’s marriage lasted only a year.
Living with constant regret
He says they’ve “gotten better” in the years since they parted ways, and Charlotte supported his sister Nicole immensely in her battle with stomach cancer while Scott was in rehab in 2013. But in 2014, a deeply depressed Charlotte took her own life, and Scott admits he harbored a secret guilt over her death.
“I didn’t realize the depth of her problems until it was too late. There are some things I definitely regret. “She became friends with me on Facebook a couple of weeks before she committed suicide. I looked at it and wanted to accept it, but I didn’t. I thought about it and sat for a while, but before I knew it, it was too late. “Part of me really hurts about this. If I accepted it and reached out to say, “Hey, how are you?” maybe everything would change. Honestly, it’s difficult. This is the first time I’ve said this to anyone.”
Scott pleaded guilty to supplying drugs.
Second chance at life
Clean and sober since his arrest in February 2021, Scott is in his second act, driven by a desire to help others avoid veering off course like he did.
“I feel like I have a future and some direction,” he says.
“For years I was just caught in this gap, this cycle of addiction, self-sabotage, just hating myself and punishing myself. “If my story can stop one person making the wrong choice, then my job is done. I feel like that’s what I’m here for now.”
Scott now gives lectures to electrical apprentices about the dangers of drugs and alcohol.
He was arrested in 2021 and spent three years behind bars.
Lessons Looking Back
He says: “I’m not hiding anything.”
If he could go back in time and give young Scott some valuable advice, he knows exactly what he would tell him.
“Have a Plan B,” he says.
“Everything was about swimming, I was totally involved and if something went wrong I didn’t have a backup plan. When I look back that was my biggest problem, I never prepared for life after swimming. “That’s the message I’m trying to get across to these kids. What happens if you get injured and can no longer work as an electrician? Are you going to start smoking meth like I did? I hope not, because this will be the beginning of the end.
If you are struggling with drugs or alcohol, call 0800 787 797 or visit Alcoholdrughelp.org.nz.
To call the suicide hotline, call 0508 TAUTOKO.
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